side note before i get started with this one: i realized in my last post that my blog posted it as a jumbled up conglomerate of sorts. it looked like how my 5th graders start out writing at the beginning of the year, using no paragraphs. i, indeed did, use paragraphs, but they were not posted that way and i couldn't figure out what was going on. i think i have solved the problem this time. if i haven't, then welcome to our world as teachers. fortunately, i think my writing may be a bit more interesting than a 10 years olds...hopefully.
okay, so this one is kind of a wake up call for me. maybe God has been trying to call me out on my faith because all of these things have been leading up to Him really showing me something today. i'll be honest and say that i've been "negative nancy" when it comes to this whole "finding my husband" thing. and im being honest because i know those of you who know me well will call me out (some of you reading this are "uh huhing" at the computer right now...don't deny). last week, our pastor preached a sermon on sowing seeds of prayer. and man, sowing seeds of prayer is like the easiest thing a christian can do. what do we do as christians? "oh honey, i'll pray for you!" "please say a prayer for me, i need it today!" and i'm in no way hating on prayer because it is ESSENTIAL for us to have that daily relationship with the Lord. but i'm building my case on why God called me out. sit tight. so, here's me. praying for my husband. "Lord, bless him today. prepare his heart for me. prepare my heart for him. God help him to have a great day today. Help him to be the man of God that you'd have him to be. etc, etc." I've prayed that prayer multiple times in multiple versions. i can sow a seed of prayer. a regular farm-girl of prayer so to speak.
but today, our pastor preached a sermon that really slapped me across the face. he used these verses from acts 3: "3 One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. 2 Now a man who was lame from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. 3 When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. 4 Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!” 5 So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them." he talked about how the lame man fully turned his attention to peter and john and EXPECTED to receive from them. he said that so many times as christians, we "hope" and "wish" that God would answer our prayers and meet our needs, but we are to come to Him "expecting." at first, i had a hard time accepting this because i felt almost conceited in expecting something from God. why would i deserve to go to God expecting Him to meet my needs and answer my prayers? but that's not it at all. the pastor told us that expecting something from God shows our true faith in Him, and i was reminded of Hebrews 11:6 that says "and without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." so all the while ive been farming away, praying for this husband of mine, ive truly not been expecting him to come. im being honest. ive been hoping against hope that he's going to come. ive been dying inside to see him come. wishing on every stupid star. blowing every fallen eyelash (its dire-straights out here for a girl!). when all this time, i could have been expecting him! oh, what a revelation! how this changes my faith!
now i said that there were some "ways" that God was trying to call me out. that was one major one, but the other was a few nights ago when i was praying (farming hard...lol) and i was reminded of a verse that literally changed my life in one of the most dramatic ways of all time. we had a ladies retreat in October with Rhonda Holland who can bring a message like no other! in one of the messages on that Saturday, she led us to Hebrews 13: 5-6 and it is absolutely the most lifechanging verse for me. It says (this is the amplified version): "5 Let your [a]character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] [b]Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor [c]give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [d][I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor [e]let [you] down ([f]relax My hold on you)! [[g]Assuredly not!] 6 So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me?" so a couple of things were pointed out to me from God from this verse (this time!): a)"I will not in any way fail you" meaning that I can EXPECT that he's not going to fail me in something that my heart desires so deeply, b)"(I will not) let you down" - again, He's just not going to let me down. I can trust Him. I can expect Him to answer my sown seeds. In due time, I will reap a harvest. And he's going to be awesome.
And I'll cry so hard at my wedding that my pictures will be worthless. :)
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